How to cope with chronic illness as a couple

We often rush to Google in order to find answers and solutions, but will this help us cope with the new reality, or will it simply make it worse? Notice how I chose the word cope very carefully, as sometimes we cannot solve and completely reverse health issues. Of course, many conditions can actually be reversed, and that may be the case with your situation If that truly is the case, that’s wonderful! But if not, you wouldn’t want to collapse in the face of  your new reality and fall into despair and depression. If that happened, you would be under even more stress and that’s the last thing you need on an already weakened body.

Here are 4 steps on how to cope with disease or chronic illness as a couple:

1. Prioritize short-term thinking OVER long-term thinking

It may seem counterintuitive at first; however, this shift in gears from long-term planning to short-term planning alleviates the burden of the new reality you and your partner have to settle in. It allows you to feel more successful. Disease disrupts the normal day to day life, this is its nature and if you are the person dealing with the chronic illness it can seem as if you are a failure because you are disrupting the flow and speed of life. Rest assured you are not, as you can always take small steps and still be successful in the new paradigm of this new chapter. When disease comes to stay, long- term plans like expanding one’s family, buying a house, changing careers, moving out, and changing cities should take a back seat. These wonderful goals are not worth stressing about at this very moment. You can always go back to them once the sea becomes calmer.Instead focusing on meal planning as an example, a new errands schedule, maybe even a new reduced work load should be the short term priorities.

2. Slow down and cut down responsibilities

At this point in your life you’ll need more mental and physical space and less “busy-ness” in order adjust to your new reality. Long- term diseases bring lots of changes to both partners, from a variation in daily schedule, new foods and meals that need to be prepared, more expenses to cover for medication, more doctors’ appointments, bringing medical equipment home and many more. Be flexible and adjust your tasks. Maybe you need to cut down on the volunteering, outings, seeing friends ,or your social media presence. Whatever will allow you more peace of mind and give you more time will automatically decrease your stress and help both of you to adjust much more rapidly.

3. Put extra effort into communicating with your partner

Openly discuss with your partner and make sure you are both on board with the shift in responsibilities. Share what you feel, how you are adjusting to the new life, and make sure you make time for each other. The stronger your bond the less stressed both of you will be overall. People can grow so much closer together when they go through hardship. Be open about each other’s perspectives and what you are currently in the midst of learning from this experience. It is incredibly soothing and it creates a comradery which will energize you and bring you closer together. Embracing the attitude of learning whatever lessons this condition is bringing into your life rather than trying to rush the  process to be rid of it as fast as possible is the absolute key.

4. Purposefully balance action with faith

Your partner may want to help and start researching endlessly on the topic, talking to many people, trying to solve the problem. You will want to do the same. As mentioned earlier, the onset of chronic illness in your couple may make you both throw yourselves at anything with even the remotest promises of a cure. While the drive and motivation behind such a course of action is highly appropriate and natural, pay attention to see if it absorbs all of your focus and thoughts for days, weeks, and months. Searching for a silver bullet solution can easily eat up all of your time and prevent you from carrying on with living life. Don’t spend all of your time researching and reading or speaking about this condition. Keep up with life and stay centered as much as possible. Don’t forget to have fun in the mean time as well. Engage with friends and family whenever you can, and do not completely isolate yourself in your search. Entertainment can be a blessing but must be experienced as part of a well-balancing act to be done from a place of acceptance and not running away from the new reality. Therefore, do as much as you can to find solutions to your problem while at the same time trusting and having faith that it is all taken care of.

So those are 4 tips that can get you started on your way through this new journey. It is a volatile ride and it is very wise to prepare for it by maintaining realistic expectations from the very onset of this new chapter in your life. There are certainly more things that you could do to prepare for it but let’s keep it simple for now. If you’d like to have more details and further discuss one of the above four steps, you can request a post through the Contact me page.

Take good care!