Firstly, I would like to mention that it is a very reasonable question to ask especially after trying for a long time to patch a relationship or after trying to reconcile two very different personalities, ways of being or thinking. As some of you may feel guilty, as I certainly felt in the past for even conceptualizing such a question, I would like to say a word of encouragement: it is very liberating when we relax our assumptions about how God is supposed to act and take Him out of the box we tend to put Him into. Additionally, I believe every human being will deal with a dying relationship at some point in life so opening mind and heart to this topic will only bring benefits!
Secondly, it is very important to understand what the term “destroy” would mean in this context. In simple words, it would mean not conducing to a flourishing relationship, not flowing, all efforts to get along with a friend, spouse or family member would have no fruitful results or even worse it would end up backfiring, leaving the state of the connection between two people even worse than before. The picture looks something like this: the more you try to fix something it in fact crumbles, the more you try to connect, you end up further apart emotionally, and on top of that you end up distressed, frustrated, misunderstood and lonely.
Now, let’s dive into the topic. God certainly can build and destroy anything on this earth as He is the creator of the universe and everything belongs to Him. Since all of us are God’s creation He is the one fueling our relationships, introducing people in our paths and encouraging us to grow emotionally the same way a parent would encourage his kid to learn all sorts of skills. That said, God also has a big plan over the long term with each one of us so there are times when He might want two people to spend some time apart from each other in order for them to learn very precious lessons which would benefit both in the end. Thus, if the dynamic in which their relationships is currently unfolding is not conducive to both people growing and getting closer to God or even worse, if the dynamic of the relationship is detrimental and toxic, it can be better for the relationships to slowly die. As a result, there is benefit in two individuals growing apart for a while. Sometimes relationships can “cool off” for a season of life but down the line both people end up reconnecting and the sparkle of life is back in the middle of their relationship as they developed the skills necessary to keep communication paths open and connect on a soul level. Other times, it can be a permanent rupture where cutting the cord is best. Everything on this earth tends to be a dichotomous representation of the cycle of life and death which involves both creation and destruction, and relationships fall under this umbrella as well.
Potential reasons for which relationships grow apart and crumble can range from the relationship being built on faulty foundations such as people being there for the wrong reasons, the relationship not having the right power dynamics favorable to healthy relationships, all the way to people being meant to stay in our lives only for a short season and then move on to other adventures without any problems being the main reason of distancing.
It is very important to mention that if a relationship between two people is ending it does not imply it is God’s doing and plan always. Sometimes it is us who often contribute to the demise of our relationships because of our poor communication skills, differences in personality which are poorly managed, differences in love languages and how we receive and give signs of appreciation, dysfunctional behaviors, past wounds and trauma which are unresolved and many others.
When you add to the above reasons the fact that everyone also has free will to act as they please, we understand things get more complicated and our wish for harmonious relationships is only part of the equation. Having good intentions is beautiful and intentions matter however at times we need to make space for reality not unfolding the way our hearts desire if we want to spare our feelings and also reap the best rewards in life. Our partners, family members and friends can choose to not spend time with us anymore and not invest in the relationship. As hurtful as it may be they do have the right to choose so.
In conclusion, our creator sometimes will decide two people better go their separate ways as it is more conducive to their spiritual growth than staying in a relationship. Thus, many disciplined attempts to fix a relationship may fail despite lots of work and good intentions. However, it is very important to realize very often it is our own doing which leads to the demise of our bonds with other humans and it is up to us to learn the rules of healthy relationships in order to have them flourish down the line. As human beings, we are definitely responsible for what is in our control and what we think, say and do however at the same time we are co-creators therefore not fully in control of everything that happens to us. We don’t see what exciting things await us but God does, so trust the process even though right now it may be painful.
Until next time, much love!
SimplyLadyEvergreen 