Hello everybody! It’s Friday and I felt inspired to share more about all the principles my husband and I learnt from our “winter” season where we had to deal with very painful chronic health problems for 2 straight years. Such a long agonizing time is enough to destabilize any person on this earth and we could have not kept our sanity (hopefully we did) without doing major 360 overhauls to our daily life approach. As they say, everything happens for a reason, and on that note we recently discovered that everything we learnt from that season in our life applies beautifully into the following season. Right now humanity as a whole, more or less, is going through a winter season due to the pandemic. I wanted to share the following lessons with you in the hopes these tips will soothe your pain and offer some relief, strategy and hope if you’re going through a terrible time. Just know that no matter what painful situation you’re going through there is the sun on the other side even though the clouds are completely covering the sky for a while. Let’s dive into it!
1. Shift in your priorities
At this point in time long term goals have to be put on a backburner as a lot of uncertainty unfolds with a winter season. We have no idea what the new rules of the game are, the limitations we will face which we did not have to face prior to and also the energy levels that we will have available. A more restrained approach to goals and objectives is not only wiser but healthier as well. The worst one can do in such a situation where events are poured on top of you and on which you have no control is to one, ignore them and go about life as you always did or two, try and battle them with the same strategy and energy levels you used when the waters were calm. It won’t work. And you will most likely end up exhausted. This is not the time to do big changes in your job/career, move, change cities, renovations etc unless you particular feel called to it by God and unless it fits your particular situation.
2. Take time daily to process what is happening
A great characteristic of winter seasons is that nothing is really happening meanwhile something is happening everyday which ends up keeping you probably on your tiptoes and stretching your nerves especially if you are impatient like me. In other words, there is no closure to the small turns of events and no clear defined line indicating which way to go. This creates A LOT of anxiety which piles up fairly quickly if a method of processing and releasing the thoughts and intense emotions is not employed. For example, I thought I was dealing with the major health events that happened to my husband and I by scrambling erratically for information and researching, trying to “solve” the problem at hand which by tomorrow shifted anyway as more doctors came with new theories and diagnostics. Researching was a way to soothe my mind proving myself I have control yet I was not processing what was happening, I was sort of denying it. There is nothing wrong with researching and getting informed, it is a MUST when you are facing uncertainty, however it was not helping me accept the reality. Therefore, if I could give you a friendly advice it would be do not delay and postpone the daily processing of what happens. You can journal about it to clear up your mind or you can speak with someone else about the events, you can pray about it or find the silver lining of every small event that could have gone wrong but did not.
3. Gain energy through small victories
During winter seasons what helps one gain energy is the small victories. Did you wake up and wash yourself, put on a full outfit, ate and showed up? Did you smile at the lady at the corner and did not lash out at the gentleman who cut you off in line at the store? Congratulations! In such times of high stress that is a great accomplishment and you should view it as such. If you have a hard time with this principle just think from the other perspective, let’s say you meet your neighbor or cousin and you see him or her all put together, smiling and going about their day looking like nothing tragic happened to them. Then, they open up and share the situation they are going through. Will you not be surprised and even humbled that they looked and behaved in such a classy way despite having all the reasons not to? That is an amazing accomplishment and if you tend to be hard on yourself, make a list at the end of the day of 5 to 10 victories you had that day. In times of “war” you can only take it one day at a time.
4. Do not forget play and community
As adults we forget how to play and we view it as irresponsible especially while we are going through tough times. 15 to 30 minutes of play, listening to funny videos, cat videos or spending time with a friend or family which allows you to relax a little and forget the tough times you are going through is SUCH an important action to take in order for your brain to better process the events and take breaks from obsessing about fixing the problem. Choose a few activities that bring you joy and go for it!
5. Be grateful
Yes, I said it. It is hard, I know it firsthand. However, there is ALWAYS something worse out there happening to someone else and even the situation you are going through could be much worse. You could always lose your house, not have food to eat, have people steal from you, mistreat you and kick you when you are down at every step of the way. Find the small things to be grateful for and fully feel it in your heart, not only mentally. That is communion with God and is very important when going through tough times. He has your situation in his hands and even though it all looks chaotic He is leading you even when you do not think He is.
6. Keep your mind healthily occupied
Having even 30 minutes of peace of mind daily is crucial. The mind obsesses about every emergency and every detail and it goes on and on forever. It will never stop by itself. That is why it is so important to redirect it and “train” it like you would a dog. We know dogs would run wild and destroy the neighbor’s flowers in no time if they could that is why we employ a leash, to guide the dog. In the same way use healthy self-soothing mechanism that healthily distract you from the problem. What are your hobbies, what activities do you do where time seems to fly by so fast or where the notion of time disappears? What were some passions you loved as a child? The answers to these will guide you! Choose 3 self-soothing mechanisms that will bring you some joy and peace in the midst of chaos. I discovered that painting, classical music and moving daily for at least 30 min (walking, hiking, Nordic walking, stretching) made a big difference in my state of mind. I had to do a bit of these daily though to keep afloat.
7. Be kind to other people
You never know what the other people around you are going through even though they may post that amazing vacation picture on social media, even though they bought a new car or they look amazing on the outside in those new fancy clothes. Everyone is bumbling around in life trying to ”make it” or at least show that they are doing a good job. However, we seldom know what lies underneath those so called accomplishments. When I was so down and upset because I had to be in hospitals for more than 5 months’ worth of days in one straight long year the last thing I felt like doing was smiling, being pleasant to those around me and putting the effort in connecting which I usually do when I meet anyone. I felt like being curt, showing people I was upset, being bitter and I felt like judging everyone who had a smile on their face because it seemed like “they had it better than me”. Then it hit me, I am going to spend a looong time here in this hospital interacting with the staff and the nurses and having this attitude will not make MY day and THEIR day better either. I wanted to be in my head, preoccupied with my problems and just think about myself and my family, and not about anyone else. I realized I will lose all these precious days and I will not see the beauty hidden in it with this attitude (I take no credit for this shift, it was God’s hand here because if I had my way I’d be bitter all throughout it). I started smiling more, asking nurses if I can help with small things and ask them about their day, chatting more and even making them smile if I had the energy. I cannot tell you the results that had not only on them but on my spirit. The respect I felt for them I started feeling for myself, and that gave me energy. I still hear from nurses through my husband who still remember me. That is priceless. That is life giving. And we all need that extra boost to help carry us throughout it all.
8. Pray and bring God with you in every situation even though He is already there
When you feel alone know you are not. When you feel not guided know you are still not alone. Pray and bring God with you in every situation even though He is already there living it all with you. Share with Him all your aches and pains and regrets and moods and dissatisfaction. He can carry it all, but we cannot alone.
9. Stay nourished
This advice is easy. EAT! And ensure you have the basics covered for your body. If you have family that can help with this, it is even better! But make sure you eat 3 meals, shower daily, walk around, get some sun, listen to some pleasant music and incorporate if possible at least 7 hours of sleep. This is the minimum investment you can pour into your body which is working hard to carry you throughout this tough time. It takes discipline but you will feel the compounding effects of doing this daily.
10. Stop comparing
I cannot stress this enough. One advantage the pandemic is bringing is that we are truly all in this together, the majority of us feel the fear of the uncertainty, the loss of jobs, not being able to travel, not being able to meet with friends or family so in a way it is easier to not feel alone. But there is still the danger of thinking your friends have it better or easier. Focus on your story and do not let your mind create unnecessary stories. Even if they have it easier how is that helping you? It is not! Keep the precious energy for yourself and use it wisely, you need it!
That is it my friends, this post turned out to be longer than I thought, but here you have all the principles my family learnt from dealing with chronic health problems which benefit us greatly during this pandemic and my hope is maybe a few of these tips will help soothe your journey as well. Much love! 🙂
SimplyLadyEvergreen 